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This is their emergency response kit, packed into a collectible tin with full graphic branding that looks a little too official for what it actually contains. Inside: wet wipes, folded tissues, and an illustrated \"Shart Control Protocol\" card that walks through the whole embarrassing procedure with a straight face.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHere's the twist - it's built entirely as a joke, but the wipes and tissues are genuinely usable, alcohol and fragrance-free, and small enough to actually live in a glovebox, desk drawer, or backpack pocket without anyone questioning why it's there. Function meets fart joke, which is rarer than you'd think.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for white elephant swaps, road trip survival bags, bachelor party goodie piles, or just handing to the friend who needs to be gently, publicly called out. 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This plush pillow takes the iconic swirl and gives it an embroidered face - pick from five expressions, whether you want the classic big grin, the sunglasses-cool smirk, or something a little more unbothered. Each one is stitched with enough character that it stops being a joke prop and starts becoming the pillow everyone actually fights over on movie night.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eStuffed soft and squishy, it holds its shape through daily flops onto the couch, car rides, sleepovers, and whatever a kid's bedroom throws at it. At about 20cm tall it is compact enough to travel but substantial enough to actually hug, which is exactly the kind of contradiction a plush poop should embody. 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Tuck this little speaker under a coworker's desk, behind the couch cushions at family dinner, or inside a bathroom stall, then sit back with the wireless remote in your pocket and watch total strangers get blamed for a crime they didn't commit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe sound effects are disturbingly convincing, ranging from polite little toots to room-clearing blasts, and you control every one of them from a safe, innocent-looking distance. Nobody suspects the person calmly sipping coffee three desks away. That's the beauty of it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBuilt from tough ABS plastic, this thing is made to survive a long career of chaos. One button, zero setup, and an unlimited supply of \"wasn't me\" faces. 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This whoopee cushion answers that call with a molded poop-emoji shape and one of three random cartoon faces - could be winking, could be cross-eyed, could be mid-gasp. You won't know which personality you're getting until it shows up, which is honestly half the fun.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe other half of the fun happens the second someone sits on it. Tuck it under a couch cushion, a desk chair, or that one uncle's recliner at Thanksgiving, and let physics do the rest. The rubber build is sturdy enough to survive being sat on again and again, so this isn't a one-and-done gag - it's a whole prank career. 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Hand him a set of these and, for once, he'll actually be right. Each ball comes printed with a bold, over-the-top design - parody catchphrases, celebrity caricatures, and yes, a few good-natured jabs at the political circus, aimed squarely at everyone in it. Nobody gets spared, nobody should be offended, and everybody on the course gets a laugh whether they lean left, right, or just want to putt in peace.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe jokes are the headline, but these are still real golf balls doing real golf-ball things. Regulation size, double-layer construction, and a soft rubber core mean they play like the serious ball in your bag - they just happen to also be the loudest thing in it. 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Ideal for group holidays, bachelorette weekends, brunch, and anyone whose personality has two very different settings.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSpecifications\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eShirt color: Violet\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFront print: Flamingo in sunglasses with a green cloud burst\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBack print: FARTMART logo with green cloud\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMaterial: 100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFabric weight: Heavyweight 6.1 oz\/yd² (206.8 g\/m²)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFinish: Garment-dyed for a soft, broken-in feel\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFit: Relaxed unisex\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCollar: 7\/8\" double-needle topstitched\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eConstruction: Twill-taped neck and shoulders, double-needle armhole, sleeve and bottom hems\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes: S to 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIncludes: 1 x 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12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e26 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e16 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr style=\"background-color:#f9f9f9;\"\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e20 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e17 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e29 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid 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⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e","brand":"FARTMART","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49994080485618,"sku":"7168379_15186","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":49994080518386,"sku":"7168379_15187","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":49994080551154,"sku":"7168379_15188","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49994080583922,"sku":"7168379_15189","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49994080616690,"sku":"7168379_15190","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":49994080649458,"sku":"7168379_16333","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":49994080682226,"sku":"7168379_17502","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0844\/8825\/7778\/files\/unisex-garment-dyed-heavyweight-t-shirt-violet-front-6a925c4b72242.jpg?v=1787976798"},{"product_id":"gas-station","title":"FartMart 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⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e","brand":"FARTMART","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49994266247410,"sku":"6458134_15124","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":49994266280178,"sku":"6458134_15125","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":49994266312946,"sku":"6458134_15126","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49994266345714,"sku":"6458134_15127","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49994266378482,"sku":"6458134_15128","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":49994266411250,"sku":"6458134_16335","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":49994266444018,"sku":"6458134_17508","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0844\/8825\/7778\/files\/unisex-garment-dyed-heavyweight-t-shirt-white-front-6a9269af9fa29.jpg?v=1787980226"}],"url":"https:\/\/fartmart.com\/collections\/best-of-the-worst.oembed","provider":"FARTMART","version":"1.0","type":"link"}