{"product_id":"fart-loading","title":"Fart Loading 78 Percent Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003ePlease Wait, Do Not Close This Window\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA progress bar frozen at 78 percent, glowing green, with the words PLEASE WAIT underneath. Anyone who has ever stared at a spinning wheel knows exactly what this feels like. The difference is that this particular download cannot be cancelled, cannot be paused, and absolutely cannot be minimized while you finish your meeting.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe genius of it is the 78 percent. Not 20, where you could still walk it off. Not 99, where it is already over. Seventy-eight is the exact percentage where you sit very still, make no sudden movements, and start quietly calculating the distance to the nearest door.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for office workers, gamers, anyone with a long commute, and every person who has ever said the words give me a minute through gritted teeth. The bar never fills. That is the joke, and it works every single time.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSpecifications\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eShirt color: Black\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFront print: Green loading bar stuck at 78 percent\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBack print: FARTMART logo with green cloud\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMaterial: 100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFabric weight: Heavyweight 6.1 oz\/yd² (206.8 g\/m²)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFinish: Garment-dyed for a soft, broken-in feel\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFit: Relaxed unisex\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCollar: 7\/8\" double-needle topstitched\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eConstruction: Twill-taped neck and shoulders, double-needle armhole, sleeve and bottom hems\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes: S to 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIncludes: 1 x T-Shirt\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSize Guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ctable style=\"width:100%;border-collapse:collapse;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr style=\"background-color:#f5f5f5;\"\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;text-align:left;\"\u003eSize\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;text-align:left;\"\u003eWidth (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;text-align:left;\"\u003eLength (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;text-align:left;\"\u003eSleeve center back (in)\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e18 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e26 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e16 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr style=\"background-color:#f9f9f9;\"\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e20 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e17 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e29 ⅜\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e19\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr style=\"background-color:#f9f9f9;\"\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e30 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e20 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e31 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e21 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr style=\"background-color:#f9f9f9;\"\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e27 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e32 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e23 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e29 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e33 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e24 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e","brand":"FARTMART","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49993216524530,"sku":"5134917_15114","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":49993216557298,"sku":"5134917_15115","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":49993216590066,"sku":"5134917_15116","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49993216622834,"sku":"5134917_15117","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49993216655602,"sku":"5134917_15118","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":49993216688370,"sku":"5134917_16326","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":49993216721138,"sku":"5134917_17500","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0844\/8825\/7778\/files\/unisex-garment-dyed-heavyweight-t-shirt-black-front-6a924c14ce87c.jpg?v=1787972646","url":"https:\/\/fartmart.com\/products\/fart-loading","provider":"FARTMART","version":"1.0","type":"link"}