{"product_id":"i-whisper-in-my-pants","title":"I Whisper In My Pants Ninja Tee","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSilent, Deadly, Extremely Well Trained\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA ninja in full black, crouched low in a fighting stance, having just released something devastating and completely inaudible. The design says I DON'T FART, then a beat, then I WHISPER IN MY PANTS. It is the best rebrand anyone has ever given a bodily function.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLoud ones are amateur hour. Anyone can be loud. The true master works in total silence, holds a straight face, maintains eye contact, and lets the room slowly figure out what has happened on its own. By the time anyone reacts, the ninja is already ten feet away holding a completely different conversation.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor the coworker who has perfected the silent office assassination, the friend who ruins car journeys without moving a muscle, and anyone who considers stealth to be a genuine skill set. Granite grey, so you blend in. Obviously.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSpecifications\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eShirt color: Granite Grey\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFront print: Crouching cartoon ninja with a green cloud\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBack print: FARTMART logo with green cloud\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMaterial: 100% ring-spun cotton\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFabric weight: Heavyweight 6.1 oz\/yd² (206.8 g\/m²)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFinish: Garment-dyed for a soft, broken-in feel\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFit: Relaxed unisex\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCollar: 7\/8\" double-needle topstitched\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eConstruction: Twill-taped neck and shoulders, double-needle armhole, sleeve and bottom hems\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSizes: S to 4XL\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIncludes: 1 x T-Shirt\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSize 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style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e27 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e32 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e23 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e29 ¾\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e33 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"padding:8px 12px;border:1px solid #ddd;\"\u003e24 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e","brand":"FARTMART","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":49993246212338,"sku":"7073719_17655","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":49993246245106,"sku":"7073719_17656","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":49993246277874,"sku":"7073719_17657","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":49993246310642,"sku":"7073719_17658","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":49993246343410,"sku":"7073719_17659","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":49993246376178,"sku":"7073719_17660","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":49993246408946,"sku":"7073719_17661","price":34.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0844\/8825\/7778\/files\/unisex-garment-dyed-heavyweight-t-shirt-granite-front-6a924ebdbb56b.jpg?v=1787973323","url":"https:\/\/fartmart.com\/products\/i-whisper-in-my-pants","provider":"FARTMART","version":"1.0","type":"link"}