Somewhere between a collectible and a criminal offence sits our Celebrity Farts range, comfortably the most ridiculous thing we sell and, predictably, one of the most popular.
It comes in two halves. On the shelf right now are the headline acts: golf balls printed with caricatures nobody gets spared from, a licensed blaster straight out of Gru's workshop, a Santa who does something unforgivable with bubbles, and a made to order pillow that turns whoever you love most into the headline act. The sealed collector jars are the second half, and they are on their way.
About those jars
Here is the pitch. A glass jar. A cork stopper. A hand aged label. A faint green swirl inside that we are not going to explain. Every jar in the range is presented as a limited edition collector's item, sealed at the factory and stamped with the two most important words in the whole collection: DO NOT OPEN.
Is any of this real
No. Obviously not. Nobody has bottled anything belonging to anybody famous. No celebrity was involved, contacted, harmed or asked. There is nothing inside the jar but ordinary air and a very good joke. The Celebrity Farts range is a parody novelty product and it is sold as one. That is the entire gag, and anybody who opens one and tells you otherwise is lying to impress you.
Why people buy them
Because a sealed jar of nothing, presented with a completely straight face, is funnier than a jar of something. Because it sits on a shelf and does all the work for you. Because watching a guest pick it up, read the label, and slowly put it back down is worth the price on its own. They make outstanding secret santa gifts, desk ornaments and birthday presents for the person who has genuinely run out of things to want.
Collect the set
New faces and new jars drop through the year, each with its own label, its own invented back story and its own warning. Keep them sealed. Keep them on display. And never, under any circumstances, find out what happens if you do not.
