Customer Service Notice
We have your money. That chapter is closed.
Do not write us about a refund. Do not DM us. Do not ask for a supervisor. The supervisor is also full of shit, and they will tell you the same thing: forget about it, buddy. Forget about it.
You clicked buy on a store called FartMart. You had to know we were full of shit. Our products were made by shit. That is what you purchased: a pile of shit. Sometimes literally. Enjoy it. Have fun with it. Please grow a sense of humor about it.
What you will not get is your money back. That is never gonna happen, buddy.
All sales are final
No returns. No exchanges. No refunds because the joke landed differently than you hoped, because you woke up sober and reconsidered the fart machine, or because somebody in your house has told you to grow up. Almost everything here gets opened, sprayed, squeezed, inflated or hidden under a cushion within about nine seconds of arriving, and once that has happened it is not going back on a shelf and it is certainly not going out to the next customer. So it stays with you. Order carefully, prank recklessly. We sell shit, you bought shit, now fart off.
The one exception
If the box arrived empty, smashed, or containing somebody else's joke, email Gasman@FartMart.com within 14 days of delivery with your order number and a photo. We will replace the item, or refund it if we cannot replace it. That is the entire exception. "It smells like shit" is not a defect. That is the product.
Things that are not defects
You changed your mind. Your friend did not laugh as hard as you did. You opened it, used it, and now want the money back. You ordered the wrong size, colour or scent. Somebody has told you to act your age. None of these are our problem, and all of them are extremely funny to us.
Cancelling an order
We pack fast. If you need to cancel, email Gasman@FartMart.com straight away with your order number and we will try to catch it. Once a parcel is out of the door it is gone, and the answer becomes no.
Parcels that come back to us
If a parcel is returned to us because the address was wrong or incomplete, we can reship it once you cover the postage, or refund the item minus the original shipping cost. Full detail is in our Shipping Policy.
Still want to argue about it
Gasman@FartMart.com. Be polite. We are the ones holding the fart spray.
