We work through messages in the order they arrive and we are quick about it. Most emails get a reply within 24 hours, and usually a lot sooner than that on weekdays. If you have not heard back after two working days, send it again, because something has gone astray.

Orders are processed within 5 to 10 business days after your confirmation email, and most leave a lot faster than that. You will get a second email with tracking as soon as your parcel is on the move. Weekends and public holidays do not count as business days.

Domestic orders usually land 7 to 15 business days after dispatch. International orders usually take 10 to 25 business days after dispatch, depending on where you are and how quickly local customs feel like working. These are estimates rather than guarantees, so order early if the prank has a date attached to it.

Yes. We ship to most of Europe, North America, Australia and a long list of other countries, and the available options appear at checkout once you enter your address. A few novelty items cannot legally cross certain borders because of local rules on aerosols and pressurised containers. If that affects your order we will email you and either swap the item or refund it.

Not always. Larger orders sometimes get split across two or more parcels, which can arrive a couple of days apart with separate tracking numbers. Nothing is missing, it is just travelling separately. If one parcel has not turned up a week after the others, get in touch.

Message us immediately with your name and order number and we will try. Parcels can be packed and out the door within 24 hours, so there is no guarantee we catch it in time, and once it has left the warehouse the address is locked. It is always worth asking, we just cannot promise.

Your tracking number arrives by email the moment your parcel ships. Paste it into the carrier link in that email to see exactly where it is. Tracking can take a day or two to start updating after dispatch, which is normal and not a sign anything has gone wrong.

Tracking usually goes quiet for a while on international orders, because foreign postal systems do not always report back to the origin carrier until the parcel reaches the destination country. Give it a few days and it normally reappears. If a domestic tracking number has shown nothing at all for more than five business days, let us know so we can check the shipment.

Open everything and check it the moment it lands. If an item is broken, missing or simply not what you ordered, email Gasman@FartMart.com within 14 days of delivery with your order number and a photo, and we will replace it or refund it. That is the only situation where money comes back, and it is the one part of this shop we take completely seriously.

Completely. Everything ships in plain outer packaging with no product images, no brand-heavy labelling and nothing printed on the box that hints at the contents. Whoever brings it to the door learns nothing. Open it somewhere private and keep the surprise intact.

Used the way they are meant to be used, yes. They are novelty items, not weapons, and they are made to smell appalling rather than to cause harm. Keep them away from faces, food, eyes and small children, never spray them in a confined space somebody cannot leave, and read the label on the item before you set anything off. Anyone with asthma or a respiratory condition should stay well clear.

No. We have your money and that chapter is closed.

All sales here are final. No change of mind returns, no exchanges, on anything, opened or not. You clicked buy on a store called FartMart, so you had a fair idea what was coming. The single exception is a box that arrives empty, smashed or holding somebody else's joke, and that one we fix properly within 14 days. "It smells like shit" is not a defect. That is the product, and it is all spelled out on our Refund and Return Policy page.