Certified Public Tooter Gas Mask Tee

Name: Certified Public Tooter Gas Mask Tee
Brand: FARTMART
SKU: 6145889_15114
Price: 29.95 USD
Availability: InStock

$29.95

Fully Licensed, Absolutely Unwelcome

A circular badge with a figure in a full military gas mask, twin green clouds venting from both filters, and the words CERTIFIED PUBLIC TOOTER wrapped around the edge. It looks exactly like an official accreditation seal, which is precisely what makes it so good.

There are people who wait until they are alone. Then there are people who do it in the queue at the supermarket, in a lift with four strangers, and halfway down a busy aisle on an aeroplane. They do not lower their voice. They do not speed up their walking. They accept the room's reaction as simply part of the experience.

If someone you know has genuinely earned this accreditation, this is their badge. It is black, it is official-looking, and it warns people from a respectful distance, which is more courtesy than they have ever shown anyone.

Specifications

Shirt color: Black
Front print: Circular badge with a gas mask venting two green clouds
Back print: FARTMART logo with green cloud
Material: 100% ring-spun cotton
Fabric weight: Heavyweight 6.1 oz/yd² (206.8 g/m²)
Finish: Garment-dyed for a soft, broken-in feel
Fit: Relaxed unisex
Collar: 7/8" double-needle topstitched
Construction: Twill-taped neck and shoulders, double-needle armhole, sleeve and bottom hems
Sizes: S to 4XL
Includes: 1 x T-Shirt

Size Guide

Size	Width (in)	Length (in)	Sleeve center back (in)
S	18 ¼	26 ⅝	16 ¼
M	20 ¼	28	17 ¾
L	22	29 ⅜	19
XL	24	30 ¾	20 ½
2XL	26	31 ⅝	21 ¾
3XL	27 ¾	32 ½	23 ¼
4XL	29 ¾	33 ½	24 ⅝

Shipping Information: FREE delivery on all orders over $99

All sales final. We have your money and that chapter is closed. You clicked buy on a store called FartMart, so there are no change of mind returns and no exchanges, on anything. If the box arrives empty, smashed or holding somebody else's joke, email Gasman@FartMart.com within 14 days of delivery with your order number and a photo and we will replace it, or refund it if we cannot. "It smells like shit" is not a defect. That is the product.